WHATS THE FUCKING POINT
HOW DEPRESSED AM I?
this depressed.
Um ok edit this shiz its 7/23 and although, one day later, I am still upset and feeling fml suicidal... i just had an adventure. I feel like i need to remind myself here and now that this is the intentionet and anything is possible. maybe i will die quite soon! but i sorta thought it'd be at another person's hand.
is it a choice?
i mean, i know i can choose to conceal my emotions during the day, workshifts and school and such. i can meet someone for a drink or dinner, heck even makeout a bit without getting upset.
except for that lardbag i met the other night.
oh god, that guy was such a terrible ..aries! hanging with him was a bit of a wakeup call. although his zodiac lessons were interesting.. he was judgmental and rude, pushing my damn boundaries. (ok, admittedly, i wasn't holding good boundaries myself. still a lardbag though). He talked to me as if i were a child... about who i'd "be" in the future, after i "became a woman", like 34 is the age of wisdom. it was after i had opened myself to him, foolishly, after a drunken "star signs" talk at the bar. he was contradictory and kind of predatory creepy, taking me to these vulnerable places and then trying to makeout and then i just bled harder and got really angry.
whatever. i feel too weak to think rationally about dating men. or about having weird conversations with them. i'm having this bad feeling i'll die before i'm 30.
oh shit but this is supposed to be an uplifting edit. whoops!
um. okright well i may well die real soon and that could be my damn purpose, or my passion rather. this uterine, hormonal hell could be the great drama of my relatively short life. Yet even though i'm awfully weepy and bloody and anemic i can Still Put Up a FIGHT. fight to the fucking death. i'm an American and I had better utilize some of this potential before it all drains out between my legs. so i'm going on my fucking vacation even if its the last one i take. i need some sun, sea, women, wine and weed. and dogs, of course there must be dogs.
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