get me there

yes yes and more yes

Good Tunes, Good Times

Procrastinating cleaning up all the snow-covered stuff I've scattered around the yard this year. Shoulda tracked down all the cool rocks before it snowed! Probably should do more with my afternoon off than get stoned and sing along with my computer! hahaha yeah right.


On a personal note, because these FDP posts are otherwise TOTALLY PROFESSIONAL, I'm going totally fucking insane. Its great! I'm quitting my job, graduating from college, moving out of my apartment and finally leaving this strange strange place I've nestled myself in for the past 4 (ish) years. I find myself wanting to reflect on what I'm leaving, how I'm leaving it... what I'm taking with. But to do so is such a process... I feel as if I haven't time for that.. that I need to be more present with what little time I have left here. Especially since I don't know what I'm doing beyond holidays at my parents house.

Hmm. So all the time I am making lists now and chipping away as the days slip behind. Breaking up some of the longest relationships I've had: those with my plants, and also I'm in a dance performance and finally shooting scenes for this year-old film. Before the 19th. And graduating. And Moving. And working. And saying bye to buddies. And going to Vegas with the folks. And doing karaoke. karaoke. karaoke. oh and duh making out.

Duh FanDangggg

The End Of The World by 1Swelly Beats Music

ITS TIME TO START SAYING GOODBYE

yep. finally leaving p-town. ~ONE MONTH~ but wondering how i'll ever find a new comfortable place.. what I actually want to do with my life is being swept up in a gust. the past 2 months have certainly flown the fuck by and now I'm late on bills and smoking way too much. weird interactions with men continues daily. GAHHHHHH. I love my job so much (see: ridiculous self-photos, incredible gig) But damn. it. is. time. for some space from those guys. Curiously enough, they seem to have come in waves. I haven't seen the Yacht Man in ages... haven't even seen his truck around town. Derek, DaddyPilot, and a host of young rehab dudes. AHH. Yeah its definitely time for me to get going. But I'll miss my incredible lady friends so much and the weather and the trails around town and the DUMPSTERSSS and the thrift stores and both Donna's Hut and Pudge N' Astis' for their Positive Partying.  I should probably write some cards. SOME FUCK U I AM OUTTA HERE CARRRRRRRDS

no but seriously I'll miss prescott a lot and will probably come back and raise dogs here.

TIME AND SPACE COLLIDING ALL THE TIME EVERYWHERE

Wowzzaaaaa. Long time no blog. I even started a Tumblr. ugh fantasydanceparty.blogspot.com wwhatttt went wronggggg? Nothing! Ha ha. Invisible blog success. But i keep telling myself I've got TO MOVE ON. and so i am.. life has been crazy since returning from the summer nw vacayyy. its full on winter now since our first snowfall last weekend. time is running out, and i should be too. i'm late to meet folks for karaoke. WHAT WILL I SING?



YESS



maybe probably not



i wish

SHAMELESS BEYONCE COVER

hieros gamos

lets huddle up

okay. i'm leaving town in a week for a month. its time to get some stuff out here on the webs and make way for the end o summer nor'western adventure to happen.

on this lovely rainy friday.

not a thing

whoa

BLEEDING TO DEATH BITCHES
WHATS THE FUCKING POINT
HOW DEPRESSED AM I?
this depressed.


Um ok edit this shiz its 7/23 and although, one day later, I am still upset and feeling fml suicidal... i just had an adventure. I feel like i need to remind myself here and now that this is the intentionet and anything is possible. maybe i will die quite soon! but i sorta thought it'd be at another person's hand.

is it a choice?

i mean, i know i can choose to conceal my emotions during the day, workshifts and school and such. i can meet someone for a drink or dinner, heck even makeout a bit without getting upset.

except for that lardbag i met the other night.
oh god, that guy was such a terrible ..aries! hanging with him was a bit of a wakeup call. although his zodiac lessons were interesting.. he was judgmental and rude, pushing my damn boundaries. (ok, admittedly, i wasn't holding good boundaries myself. still a lardbag though). He talked to me as if i were a child... about who i'd "be" in the future, after i "became a woman", like 34 is the age of wisdom. it was after i had opened myself to him, foolishly, after a drunken "star signs" talk at the bar. he was contradictory and kind of predatory creepy, taking me to these vulnerable places and then trying to makeout and then i just bled harder and got really angry.

whatever. i feel too weak to think rationally about dating men. or about having weird conversations with them. i'm having this bad feeling i'll die before i'm 30.

oh shit but this is supposed to be an uplifting edit. whoops!

um. okright well i may well die real soon and that could be my damn purpose, or my passion rather. this uterine, hormonal hell could be the great drama of my relatively short life. Yet even though i'm awfully weepy and bloody and anemic i can Still Put Up a FIGHT. fight to the fucking death. i'm an American and I had better utilize some of this potential before it all drains out between my legs. so i'm going on my fucking vacation even if its the last one i take. i need some sun, sea, women, wine and weed. and dogs, of course there must be dogs.

invisible light

lugar bonito

Lately I've really been enjoying Astrud Gilberto's 1965 album, "Look to the Rainbow". On it there's a track called 'Lugar Bonito', and as many songs go, I've been trying to find the tabs for it. If anyone ever actually reads this and double-actually knows that song and an easy guitar chord progression, we should really get in touch. It appears I may have to just seek out piano sheet music and go from there. I settled for searching for vidz on the tubez but all that came up is this kind of amazing eulogy slideshow. Wow.



My internet is very slow so I watched about half and then while I waited for the rest to load I read the video caption. And then i watched the 2nd half and cried. She looks really nice and cool, and like she was living a fulfilling, beautiful life. I find myself at a loss (9.11!? dang..) when i thought this video was going to be random dead aunt win... this person (Heather, I gather) is beautiful and I like her and she's definitely my new inter-ghost friend. Thanks for the heads up, about seizing life with zest, Heather!

You Are Tired (I Think)

You Are Tired (I Think)

You are tired,
(I think)
Of the always puzzle of living and doing;
And so am I.

Come with me, then,
And we’ll leave it far and far away
(Only you and I, understand!)

You have played,
(I think)
And broke the toys you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break, and
Just tired.
So am I.

But I come with a dream in my eyes tonight,
And I knock with a rose at the hopeless gate of your heart
Open to me!
For I will show you places Nobody knows,
And, if you like,
The perfect places of Sleep.

Ah, come with me!
I’ll blow you that wonderful bubble, the moon,
That floats forever and a day;
I’ll sing you the jacinth song
Of the probable stars;
I will attempt the unstartled steppes of dream,
Until I find the Only Flower,
Which shall keep (I think) your little heart
While the moon comes out of the sea.

E.E. Cummings

smart guys

three quotes to add sparkle to your day!!!!!

"It is here
that we encounter
the central theme of existentialism:
to live is to suffer,
to survive is to find meaning in the suffering."
- Victor Frankl






"Human beings, whoever they may be,
consciously or unconsciously look for a meaning to their lives.
They need a reason to live and, each day, try to find it
through all that their domestic, social and professional life give them.
But in reality no success, no material possession can give them the meaning of life,
precisely because it is a matter of 'meaning',
and meaning is not a material reality;
it can only be found up above on the subtle planes.
In the lower regions, we can find only forms.
Of course we can fill up the form with content,
which is in the feeling, the sensation we experience
when we truly love an object, a person or an activity.
But feeling is often temporary,
and when we lose it, we are left with a sense of emptiness and pain.
So we must look beyond the content for the meaning.
When we reach the meaning, we are fulfilled."
- Mikhaël Omraam Aïvanhov




"It is only when we realize that life is taking us nowhere
that it begins to have meaning."
- P.D. Ouspensky

new moon american

sigh sigh sight of delicious tears. i am lost again within myself.
oh, the crosses we bear.

Oh this doesn't Help!

WOW THANKS KATE BUSH YOU'RE REALLY MAKING ME FEEL GOOD ABOUT MY PORN ADDICTIONS.




hey she samples that throat singer she hung out with in the eighties!

thought this was going to be uplifting at first.. and then the ending.. and now my 'deeper understanding' about how f'd up these babylon boxes are. STEALING MY SOUL MUCH?! MOUTHS WITHOUT TEETH OR TONGUE? SILICONE BREAST IMPLANTS EXPLODING ALL OVER MY HEAD?

it would seem katie has a lil' pornz addiction too..

why is this blog so depressing? Q AND A

Q: What the fuck is wrong with this blog, it says FANTASYDANCEPARTY, but its mostly TRAGIC LONELINESS AND DESPAIR.

A: Yeah no shit. This blog is depressing because I'm depressed. I try to keep it positive here and there because NATURALLY, I am a positive person.

Q: Well why you so depressed, Sophie?

A: Because my never-ending period has returned. That doesn't make much sense. I had it two years ago, it went on for a year. And now I've been bleeding for two months. CAN YOU IMAGINE?!

Q: nO! HOW DOES THAT AFFECT YOU AND YOUR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS SOPHIE? AREN'T YOU UM.. RUNNING OUT OF BLOOD AKA LIFEFORCE AKA CHI AKA ENERGY?

A: oh yeah, i am. i've tried basically everything. shamans, herbs, drugs, sex and no sex, masturbating no masturbating, weed no weed, booze, no booze, crystals, accupressure, chakra healing, sound healing, psychics, past life regression, massage, diet changes, visualization, ceremonial dance, moon cycle EFAs, fertility awareness method, homeopathics, not doing anything, david lynch marathons, single lyfe, monogamy, living with women, living alone.

OH I'M SORRY INVISIBLE BLOG-AUDIENCE I FORGOT HOW TOTALLY DEPRESSING THIS IS HEY ITS OKAY HERES SOME CATS AND BABES

OH SHIT SORRY ANY MAN WHO TRIES TO BE MY LOVER LETS NOT TALK ABOUT MY BLOODY WALLS LETS JUST LISTEN TO SOME GREAT R AND B




OH YEAH THATS WAY FUCKING BETTER LETS GET BACK TO DANCING BABY THAT SHIT WAS JUST TOOO REEEEAAAALLLL.

~~~~SINGLE FOR LYFE!~~~~~~

IM GOING TO GO DROWN IN SOME BONG WATER HAVE A ****GReat!*** weekend my nonexistent followers! (ho-okay sophie!)

Why Am I Such A Huge Jerk?

Marry me, Matt Adams, and I'll assure you fodder for a thousand sad songs.

Bikini time

Bikini - ACheerlaeder from The India Trading Company on Vimeo.

oh sheena

Sheena Easton is a total babe. She seems tough, fierce in an intimidating, scary way. Her selections give kind of contradicting messages though, one song will flout seductive sexiness and other songs, like 'strut', are all sassy and tough business. Even though I could imagine sheens could be a real bear, I like her. And I like how she dressed in the 'good ol' days' of the the 1980s and '90s.








In Sugar Walls she looks like April O'Neil. That song is so fantastic, ill bet your vag walls are made of sugar, Sheenz!

I wonder what she got down with, hanging with Prince and starring in sad movies like the one summarized in the video below. That guy is a total lardbucket. I kind of feel bad for Sheena but hey, I cry a lot too. Its cool.

lights in the clouds

oh wow. whole new moods going on over here. ugh, last month I was so depressed! I would hate for a lover to see such negative thoughts. Totally toxic.

luckily, things are always changing. I've felt a shift over the month, and I've both literally and figuratively let go of some of that negativity. Family has come and gone, old mirrors to face. The sudden departure of that lovin' man last month struck me like a hurricane... I was all fucked up and pushing my own boundaries. Guess 2011 Summer of Self-love had to start off with terrible healthscares, pain, blood and sadness so that I could sober up and take care of myself. hmm.

I googled Summer of Self-Love 2011 and it turns out I have a cosmic sister who feels the same way. haha. If i actually had good internet access I might sign up for her course.



But seriously. The summer vibes are full-on in Arizona and I'm into it. I'm actually wearing colors...feeling alive again.

anthems of paradise

haven't seen this film, myself, but some analogue bubblebaths are jungle anthems and this vide0-preview thing is bizarro. Why is she rubbing the bowl? Why are they making out through scarves? Its kind of sexy.. but it seems like the fabric would just get all wet and then its still on your face...

Nature Fracture, Screen Disorder

Waves crash like computers

Blank faces and summer sex

Assne and blood, hair and wrinkles. Breaking hearts and breaking out.

Like a 2 year k-hole, moral backbone has been roofied. World's a paradox these days. I say I want solitude, celibacy, light, a soul. I choose boys, weed and booze. Classes are over but I'm still depressed. I get more nature on the webs than IRL. I'm 24. Got the most patient rad friends in the world though, and still a few left who haven't moved away.

My five year plan is to move to Nelson B.C. and find some manly man, homestead it. This seems improbable since I've yet to experience a romantic relationship that lasts more than a year. What's next, Sophie "KIDS?!" yeah fucking right. my uterus, ovs and fallopians are laughing so hard they're crying blood.

Where is the metal cover of this song when i need it

Aaron Feinberg, Jerry Hsu, Noemie Goudal, idk, Parke Harrison, Cole Rise, Lissy Laricchia, idk

Pawz Deep

I suck like highschool

From what I've read,
Jung felt that life was like a spiral- we constantly return to what appears to be the same place, but we've really just progressed (!) about the circling 'line' of existence.

I feel that now: I suck like I did in high school. And elementary school. And college. I mean, more than just... I'm bombarded again with troubles of self-identity and worth, dependence and independence.Sucking off the teat of the world, abusing my privileges. Only people like S. would have the balls to call me out on this. Anyone else is too polite or secretly agreeing with my agenda.

So S. did. Called me out on my shit. awesome. I guess its obvious since I'm an odd hipster girl whose parents spoil her with consumerist gack while vacay-ing in LV. gross. I mean, great, if thats my goal, but it. is . not. I want the opposites. Dirty dogs n guns.

These are totally self-depreciating statements and probs a real downer to read but its late, I feel I've been up for days, its super windy out and I have had a rough night

a.d.i.d.a.k.

i could just want to be sexin the band though..

prescott, arizona

blue angels

i'm very sorry i don't have sources for these!

I Love Karaoke And I Think About It A Lot

"I can read your mind". Kind of a creepy song!

kahm down (songs i hear on kahm)

just a couple favorites! kahm the hell down.




"Time" by the Alan Parsons Project



"Dedicated to the one I love" . Hhahahahaha. Dirty French kids! I was going to post the Linda Ronstadt cover of this song (which is the one I heard on KAHM) but this one is way better.



Ultimate breakup song.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox, "Solitude"

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone.
For the sad old earth must borrow it's mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air.
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go.
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all.
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life's gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a long and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.

just get prepared

eyes are for lookin

wet on wetter